Pedal Faster

I bought this book at a bookstore

just so that I could read something

old and smart.

But I actually really like it.

I think I’m getting old and smart.

---

I walked by the smelly boy from my floor last year

on the street with friends.

I didn’t know smelly boys could have friends.

---

I keep getting mad and

then forgetting what I’m mad about.

So I’m left with this electricity

in my arms

and no justifiable reason for it.

---

I’m going places.

I’m going on Adventures but

Adventures are expensive.

---

I’m in a Chinese Food Restaurant.

I can’t read anything on the menu

and I’m thinking.

---

I’m ordering a latte

and I’m thinking.

---

I’m in a boy’s bed

and I’m thinking.

---

I’m at the gym

And I see a girl running next to me.

Pretty, short, blonde

and she’s running really hard.

Going at it, and

next to her is this boy.

cute.

big nose

but cute.

He’s running really fast too.

Their feet are almost hitting the tread

at the exact same time,

and I wonder if they know each other.

If they’re from the same state or in a class together.

Maybe they’ll be in a class together next semester

or maybe they’ll meet at a party in 10 years

and really hit it off.

Maybe they’ll even fall in love.

They’ll know they were made for one another

but they won’t know about this moment

at the gym.

They won’t know that their feet were almost hitting the tread

at the exact same time.

Only I’ll know.

And they’ll know what their honeymoon was like

and what their first kid’s name will be

and what it was like to buy their first house,

watch each other lose parents

but I won’t.

I’ll only know what this moment

at the gym

was like.

And suddenly I’m lonely.

Suddenly I feel this massive burden and

suddenly I’m thinking about all the people on this planet

that I’ll never meet.

And all the people who I have met

but who I’ll never see again and

then I’m thinking about the people who I know

and maybe love

who one day

I won’t even be Facebook friends with.

And now I’m like,

crying at the gym and

I’m hoping that everyone thinks my tears are just sweat. And

then I realize that probably nobody’s looking at me.

Probably nobody is thinking about me

like I was about those two strangers

who have both finished their runs and

are heading out

at the exact same time.

---

But then I think

maybe they were.

Maybe they want to know my name,

and what it was like to go to my high-school.

Maybe they want to date me,

or maybe they want to be my friend.

Or maybe they’ve seen me around campus.

Maybe they know someone who knows me and maybe,

God-forbid

they read my introduction on the BU Class of 2018 Facebook page.

Maybe they’ve seen me

drunk at a party,

or maybe

that time I left my shoes in my friends bag and

had to walk home barefoot.

Maybe they’ll

read my novel one day, or

see me in a movie.

Maybe they’ll lie to all their friends

that they knew me personally

back when I was a nobody.

And then I look down at the screen of my eliptical and

it’s flashing at me.

I realize that I haven’t been running for a while.

I’ve just been stopped and staring

at my water bottle.

And the screen is flashing at me.

‘PEDAL FASTER’

it says.

And so I do.